Stuff Lesbians Like

#16 Knee-length shorts

noreply@blogger.com (arlan) — Sun, 09 Mar 2008 02:21:00 +0000

They're perfect for the discerning lesbian who wants to maintain a somewhat professional appearance during the summer months...while still being able to wade through all the straight-girl pussy she's knee deep in.

What?

They're also the perfect length for protecting your fingers from twist-off capped Smirnoff Ice and Mike's Hard Liquor bottles.

#15 Finding Fault in Everything Male-Related

noreply@blogger.com (arlan) — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 08:32:00 +0000

You're not a man hater. You just play one on TV.

#14 Neckties

noreply@blogger.com (arlan) — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 21:14:00 +0000

Lesbians are the new Annie Hall.

#13 Bonfires

noreply@blogger.com (arlan) — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 17:52:00 +0000

Lesbians love building big fires. I've done the math, and 1 out of every 3 lesbians has heard or said the words "We're meeting at the beach* at 9pm. Bring a 6-er and your bikini top. We're settin' shit on fire."

*depending on where you live, this word is interchangeable with "high school track," "docks," "quarry," "reservoir," "dunes," and "Cindy's backyard."

#12 Ellen Page

noreply@blogger.com (arlan) — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 23:59:00 +0000

She may look sweet with the fake baby belly, but don't piss her off or she'll cut your balls off. Haha.

...no, seriously.

#11 Macrame'

noreply@blogger.com (arlan) — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 20:05:00 +0000

Y'all know who you are.

#10 Angelina Jolie in This Picture Too

noreply@blogger.com (arlan) — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 18:57:00 +0000

Her philanthropic efforts have put her on the path to becoming our generation's Audrey Hepburn.

...and she's totally naked under there.

#9 Angelina Jolie in This Picture

noreply@blogger.com (arlan) — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 18:46:00 +0000

She's totally naked under there.

#8 Pussy...

noreply@blogger.com (arlan) — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 18:35:00 +0000

...cats.

And dogs.

#7 D-rings

noreply@blogger.com (arlan) — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 20:11:00 +0000

Much like lesbians themselves, the D-ring is one of the few things on this earth that can be used in theater productions, horseback riding, hoisting things, tethering things, AND sex play.

Also known as "The Lesbian Purse."

#6 P!nk

noreply@blogger.com (arlan) — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 19:58:00 +0000

Since her recent (amicable) divorce announcement, rumors are already starting to circulate. But I'm here to put all of those rumors to rest. P!nk is not, I repeat not dating some chick she met on the road or any female member of her band.

She's dating me.

#5 Drama

noreply@blogger.com (arlan) — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 22:24:00 +0000

For something we all say we can't stand, we're freakin' professionals at it.

#4 Johnny Depp in Any Movie, At Any Time

noreply@blogger.com (arlan) — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 19:50:00 +0000

Period.

#3 Beer

noreply@blogger.com (arlan) — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 19:39:00 +0000

Add the word "pong" to that and you've got lesbian utopia.

#2 Canada

noreply@blogger.com (arlan) — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 19:28:00 +0000

The L Word films there, two chicks can get married to each other there, it begat Tegan & Sara...Need I go on?

#1 Fingerbanging Your Mom

noreply@blogger.com (arlan) — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 19:26:00 +0000

What?? It's just the truth!